by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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