I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
