I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
