I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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