He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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