I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
