I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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