Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
