if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
