yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
is it fun? or sober?
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