I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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