Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
