I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
