I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
