I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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