im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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