He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
