That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
