i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
