i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
