the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
