Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
