i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
