hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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