it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
