is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
