your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
