so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
