I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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