Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
