that's an acceptable place to lick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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