he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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