Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
