just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
