The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
