He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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