I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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