is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The air taste purple.
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