Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
