and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
