my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you would pick up someone in the library
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need moral support for this bender
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
