So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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