is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
