My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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