Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
