I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
