sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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