I'm jealous of your bromance
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
