Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
