there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
