We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
